A Younger Me

Today, my mom handed me pictures of a younger me. When I looked at the photos, I saw someone whose eyes are round with innocence, nose tender and petite, lips in need of nourishment, face not shaped by puberty, cheeks squeezable, and skin airbrushed to a smooth soft texture. That child was nice and happy, always eager to meet someone new and make a new friends. He was outspoken at most times but with the ability to be quite when needed. He was loved. He was the type of person that everyone wanted to compare themselves to because his stance, his demeanor, was something to admire and want. His smile was genuine and inviting. He wasn't insecure around others, and felt no need to make comparisons but be happy with what he had because that was all he had. His mind was pure and only saw things for what they were, everything was simple and everything was easy to understand. He knew what he was and was proud because he hadn't felt harsh judgment and cruel words due to others insecurities. His favorite color was blue which showed on his clothes. He had a plan for the future, to be rich, to love another, and have a family of his own.

That's what appeared on that photo, which can only say so much. That photo showed history not reality.

Now, that kid grew up. He grew up into someone who barely cared for others (except friends :) ) opinions, frustrations, and expressions. Could care less to make an introduction of himself because would not be interested in the people he meet. His smile grew crooked and a way to tell people "keep it moving". He became angry and sad. His heart held pain and had no room for love. He likes the rain, the sound of only the droplets falling, splashing in a steady rhythm and cool wind caressing his face as he enjoyed the peaceful, lonely surrounding. He laughed at others pain and enjoyed the bitter taste of it. Blue changed into black. He told the world fuck you for the lies that was fed at a young age; and wished that it would have told him the truth from the beginning. His plan to become rich is motivated by greed than, a once, ambition. To love another became to love 'one'-other, to give himself to that one person, every smile and every tear would be shared with that one person and everyone one else would be kept out. His perfect family became a dream of itself, he couldn't share the joy of having children with his significant other because the woman of his dream is changing to the man of his life. The animalistic urge for a woman's gentle touch, sweet scent, high intoxicating voice was a mirage and actually was the desire for a man's rough hands to roam his body, a man's musk to drown him in perfume, and deep voice to make him feel safe. His future days would be spent not raising 3 (my fav. #) children but resting his head on his lovers muscular chest, lips enjoying the salty taste of the other persons skin, and their legs entwined holding on to each other.

Would the younger me like who he became? Would he have expected the changes that came with him in the future? Would he wished time stayed still and he lived forever in the happy world he knows?

My head tells me that I should be happy with who I am now and not try to devolve myself to a gullible minor; but my heart begs to be that little kid again, and ignorant to the brutal world he really lives in.

(I need to write more happy stuff because all of this is really getting to me)

How Pathetic

So its a Sunday afternoon and I'm basically bored out of my mind. All I've done today were watch videos on the computer, sleep, watch tv, sleep, eat, watch an anime video, watch a movie, sleep, watch Glee videos on YouTube, walk around the house, and wash my clothes (i'm doing this now). I was suppose to work on my project for school (i have 4 to do) but I don't like projects and it would've made my day even more boring. I bet my life would be more interesting if I was a cum hunger teen slut on the internet and gay area in my city. Gosh, I've imagined so many things I would've been doing and already done. But that isn't my life. So when I'm out of my mind bored I like to sing parts of a song. Today's song is "Don't Stop Believin' " by Journey. I try to use my American Idol voice when I say:

"Just a small time girl, livin' in a lonely world

She took a midnight train goin' anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit
He took a midnight train goin' anywhere"

I try to make it look and sound as manly as possible but yeah really doesn't work out that way. My old song used to be "Monster" by Lady Gaga.

I've been thinking about things to blog about but the words never come out the way I want them to. One, in particular, is my habit at looking at my guy friend. He isn't the sexiest, funniest, smartest, sociable, guy in the world but iGuess that's why i like looking at him. I don't like him as anything more than a friend I just like things about him that make him him and his curly hair that makes him look Jewish.

I've been reading Andy's blog. I started reading it Thursday iThink. And I've read all of his posts. I mention this because I'm happy he isn't deleting his blog and I needed a closer for this post.

My First Gay Dream

In the dream i was in a party in my house. i was pushing my way towards my room through the crowded living room. When i went inside i saw my dad fucking my friend from school. I didn't have a problem with it (idk y) and was just enjoying my dad giving the skinny dude deep long strokes in the ass. I was just about to leave when my dad demanded that i get my ass eatin' out by the dude. Next thing I know i'm head down ass out the dudes tonguing my hole in dog position and my dad is mounting him from the back fucking him even rougher. At first it was a couple of quick lips but my dad wasn't having that he wanted me to get the full experience. So to get the guy to do what he wanted he fucked him harder holding tighter to his small waist and hitting his ass with heavy force. Now the guys giving it to me good. He's stroking the tongue hard now and digging it deep in my ass. If felt so fucking good. I couldn't control my breathing anymore, i was pushing my ass more into his mouth, and i was holding onto the sheets for dear life mouth open eyes closed toes curled. I started flexing my hole while he was still sliding his tongue in my ass and I couldn't take it anymore i had to bury his face completely in it. He matched my force with the force of his tongue that i stopped breathing my sides started hurting from me shaking so hard but the pain added more to the pleasure that I loved it too. This was too much for me and I wanted more. I pushed my ass a little further burying him nose deep in it, squeezing my cheeks against his face. He pulled out with a trail of saliva connecting my hole with his mouth and started chewing on my ass and blowing on my hole. That took it to another level. By now the bed sheet is drenched in sweat and torn in a few areas from me biting on it. My hole is pulsing begging him to feed his tongue in it. He one-up the demand for the tongue by using his fingers instead. He started with a slow tempo easing it in and out and was pushing his middle finger fast in a spiral motion. Then when his finger was at the tip, on its way back in, i squeezed my hole around his finger like a piper and controlled how much he could slid in. When he got his whole length into me he pressed his thumb against my ass. I was moaning crazy like begging him not to stop. Just as he was about to ease his index finger in there I woke up :( I tried my hardest to go back to sleep but it wouldnt work. I hate it when your in middle of a good dream and for some reason the body decides to wake up. Has any body had a moment like that?

P.S.: What's another word for ass and hole, i tried switching the words as much as possible but still feel like i reused them too much

Introduction

To be honest, I started this blog to write down how I felt, say things that go unheard, and express the side of me that I'm afraid to know (possibly being gay or bi). If you read this than I like you already and I will try to write as much interesting things as possible. Thanks for listening <3.

My real name isn't Damion, I like to think of him as an alter ego. iGuess I would describe him as everything I ever expected from myself but could never accomplish. He isn't afraid to say he's different from most guys, that he's bi (or gay, same thing). Here is his description:

• Black
  
• 5'8
  
• Let's say unfit body (I usually say fat)(wudn't say chubby, its the nicer way to say fat)
  
• Black (VERY coiled) Hair
• Dark Brown Eyes
• Wide-ish nose
• Thick full lips
• etc.

I (Damion) am 16, and in the 10th grade. I like to think of myself as the nerdy, retarded, funny, reserved, talkative, quiet guy. I really don't know were I'm going with this because I'm like really tired, it's 1:11 am :O but just know that I like writing because it's a better way for me to say the things I want people hear.I hope to meet new interesting people that can open my eyes more to being gay or to life in general. Hope I get followers and I'll be sure to make the next post as interesting as possible.