Lost for Words

Hey guys, sorry for not posting anything for about a month. I wish I could say that I've been extremely busy or something like that but that isn't true. I just don't have anything to say, and the few times that I do want to post something a combination of laziness and a low attention span stops me from writing. Please don't take it as me not caring, I care about this blog world a lot. I like reading people's ideas, hobbies, rants, comments, etc. And thanks for the comments, till today I didn't know I had any. Well this is just to let you guys know that I'm still alive and grateful towards the people that take the time to read my blog. Also would love it if more people subscribed.

Let's talk about relationships. I've never been in one, or one with someone my age. No that doesn't mean I'm going got with a sugar daddy/dominate bear/dilf (I'd probably want to try a relationship like that though, just to see what it feels like). The only "relationships" I've been in were when I was really little like about 4 or 5, before I started Pre-K. She was older, probably 18-20 and she loved to play with me. She'd call me boyfriend, kiss me on the cheeks, play with me, and talk with me. The other relationship was when I was in the 1st grade. I was in love with my teacher. She was beautiful, smart, gentle, sweet, and had something about her that made me serenade her during recess and try to have sophisticated conversations. I thought we were meant to be together forever, but I guess I was the only one that thought so. She got married the next school year and I was heart broken. I went to the party her class was having for her birthday and I saw her fiancee and the ring on her finger. I hope I created tension in the atmosphere because I was giving the guy bad eye glances. But in the end, I accepted the fact that I was 7 and she was 24+, so I congratulated them and took a slice of the coconut cake. (The coconut cake was hurting the roof of my mouth and till this day I hate coconut anything. It's kind of funny now that I think about it; my pain were her pleasures.)
Well other then those 2, I never had the courage to ask anyone out. Most kids were pairing off quick in elementary and I kind of felt like the outsider, I blame my balls for not dropping back then. I still don't get how girls went from being one of the guys to someone to compete for. I really must of been a late bloomer because I'd just messed with them until middle school, were changes were showing. Most of the boys were jealous because I knew and talked to most of the girls in class but it was me treating them like an everyday person then someone with itty bitty titties. In middle school people started asking if I was gay because I didn't have a girlfriend/ever had a girlfriend/showed interest in wanting a girlfriend. And now in high school I'm definitely not showing interest in wanting a girlfriend.
Now let talk guys in relationship. I've wanted a boyfriend or just a guy friend to be really close too for a while. I would want to be as close as possible while making it seem like best friends in public eye. I've been thinking about being with a guy more often and because I know there is a shallow side to me I've made a dream guy preference
-Must be older or my age minimum (and look older)
-Must be taller or equal height
-Must be muscle toned, a nice bulge of muscles
-Clean and Cut
-Deep Voice
-Seductive Eyes
-Nice lips
-Great smile
-Freak+++
But because I try to block out the shallowness in me I've made a real guy preference
-Funny
-Someone I can keep conversations going with
-Smart
-Open minded
-Someone I could open up to
-Someone who can fill the incomplete side of me
-Freak+++ (I like freaky people :] ).
Noticed the difference.
I try not to make idea relationships scenarios in my head because I wouldn't want to make expectations for anyone and I would want our journey to be a new experience that's real rather than to say "yeah I got a boyfriend too."

That was kind of the conclusion to the relationship rant. Don't know if that was a good way to end it Tell me about your relationships or opinions of them. Is it more about the physical appeal or mental/emotional appeal.

P.S.: To the anonymous commenter. Thanks for the high interest in wanting me to post something and I hope I filled your needs with an amazing mind blowing "blog post".
To wayner. Yeah there isn't much for me to confess about myself I'm pretty dull, just opinionated. That's why I changed the name of the blog. What do you think of it?
To everyone. Thanks for reading and hope to see feedback or something.